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31 января 2022
Why are we sometimes overwhelmed by making decisions?
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п»їWhy are we sometimes overwhelmed by making decisions?
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Although many times we don't find it so hard, sometimes we seem to be overwhelmed by making decisions, but we don't know the exact reason why or how to solve them. Then it is possible that we may get upset and demand answers that we don't have. Why aren't we being more agile or more decisive? Why aren't we smarter? More, more, more... always something beyond our reach.
There are more than a few opportunities when we have to make decisions. Often, in trying to do so, we go round and round, we come up with A, B, C, but we also find D, W and F! In doing so, our decision is hindered and if it is hindered, it is delayed.
Then we complain because we have not yet made up our minds and time goes on and on... and we attack ourselves, disqualifying ourselves with a series of denigrating adjectives.
It is not always easy to make decisionsWhile we complain and attack, the breeding ground for opinion makers is served, a series of people who show some expertise in the subject that concerns us or who recommend an eminence and try to "help us" with apparently solid arguments.
When not, the usual manipulators appear, who try to paddle our decision, always taking some profitability in our favor. All this journey takes place between complaints about our difficulty to choose, between syllogisms and logical deductions. Then, we complain - above all - about our lack of decision to decide! In the meantime, time goes by and the desired change does not take place.
We spend our lives making decisions, from the simplest to the most complex. Deciding whether to drink coffee with more or less milk in the morning, whether to send the e-mail today or tomorrow or not, whether it is time or not to change the car, whether to send the child to this or that school, etc.
In short, our existence is full of choices and consequent decisions. However, when it comes to decisions involving major responsibilities, it does not seem so easy to do A, B or C and set the project in motion.
Sometimes, we are overwhelmed by making decisions because of the great responsibility that the outcome may entail in specific contexts.
We are not as free as we think, but that is not the end of the worldLarge decisions are those that mark lifelines, because not only do they make a change in our own lives, but the development of a project marks a path for other generations. The start of a company marks the entrepreneur, but also the whole family and the successors. Even more so if the enterprise prospers and its success impacts on subsequent generations.
The decision made by our grandparents, since the Second World War, the post-war famine and the Spanish Civil War, to live in one of the countries of the American continent, has marked the lives of their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
On the other hand, every decision implies a previous choice. Before deciding, options are presented that must be analyzed and the possibility of deciding on one of them implies choosing one of them as a product of that previous reflection. Therefore, the fact of choosing is already a decision. But when it comes to choosing and deciding, we are convinced that we act with freedom, that is, that we are free to decide.
When we are overwhelmed by making decisions, the question of whether or not we are free to do so is difficult to answer.
Context, cognition, biology and emotionWhile we are often consciously constrained by the situation and are not as free as we would like to be in our choices, in reality, we are never free. We live in systems and almost without realizing it we are subjected to the rules and functions that the context in which we live imposes on us.
Since our way of thinking and processing information is at the mercy of our knowledge model -which is activated when we experience a situation or discern what to do, or when to make a plan, etc.- we are not cognitively free.
Even biologically we are not free, since the organic system has a way of functioning and is governed by values of maximum and minimum. Finally, our emotional style and tenor are also totally systematized in our lives and lead us to react almost stereotypically in situations.
Four systems: context, cognition, biology and emotion are in constant interplay and are activated in every human act, not to mention choices and decisions. Therefore, to say that we are free when we decide something is a fallacy.
Full freedom in the act of making a decision is impossible.
Finally, a neurobiological detail: the cerebral amygdala and the prefrontal cortex are involved in decision making. The amygdala is an organ the size of an almond - hence its name - which triggers the emotional alarm signal, especially in risky situations.
In decision making, there is always a quota of risk in the choice, and the subsequent fear of losing. So, while the amygdala alerts us, the prefrontal cortex is in charge of analyzing, thinking, putting into play values, behavior patterns, evaluating; it raises the actions and analyzes them evaluating the pros and cons of each one.
Let's be clear about how to choose and decide Are we at a time when we are overwhelmed by making decisions? In that case, we can take into account the following topics that aim to help us make them in a clearer and more active way:
Decide without guiltA decision must be made without guilt since this feeling is coercive and harmful. Knowing that someone may be harmed when we choose is part of the game of choices and decisions.
If we are governed by guilt, we contaminate our analysis in order to decide clearly and effectively.
Many people who seek affection and recognition in their environment make decisions based on the wishes of others rather than their own. It is not that the choice is a selfish act, but it is important to put oneself in first place and then evaluate the level of harm that others may have with my choice.
Neither can we go through life like an ugly duckling, looking for affection from the outside: personal valuation must be sought within ourselves and not depend on the valuation made by others over us.
Do not decide in the heat of the moment Decisions must be made far from impulsiveness and the seduction that the moment implies. Something may seem very tempting, but it is necessary to take your time and get out of the hot moment.
The key phrase is "I will think about it". A decision should always be made away from the effervescence of the moment.
Deciding and doing go hand in hand. The decision implies a consequent action with the act of choosing and deciding. The triad choice/decision/action makes a sequence that marks the purpose of deciding, which consists in carrying out what was determined.
If a decision is not carried out, it does not acquire meaning.
Deciding breaks the complaint At the same time, actions deconstruct the complaint since complaint always leads to inaction. While a person complains, he does not act, because the place of action is taken by the action of complaining and mentally ruminating over and over again without acting.
In choosing, something you lose and something you gain We must keep in mind that in a choice for a decision there is always something that is lost. If I choose any of the options presented to me, I discard the rest and this loss must be assumed as such.
For the all-embracers this will be a problem. They would like to clone themselves and be on two sides at the same time, they squeeze time to the maximum, so losing some of the options is very difficult for them and therefore, deciding is difficult.
Not "more of the same" Another factor that sifts a decision is the option that is chosen as a solution to solve a problem. A factor that evidences a bad choice and decision is a solution that is applied and does not solve, but perpetuates the problem. However, the same formula is repeated over and over again in the secret hope that the result will be different.
Here if a new decision is not made with a different option, we can go round in circles in eternum without finding any change. In any case, when the choice-decision was unsuccessful, it is necessary to analyze what I tried and it was not effective, to look for really expert advisors and to make a new choice, but fundamentally to remember not to repeat, as a basis of experience.
Do not decide in a hurry Neither choose and decide because we are pressed for time, we must be extremely careful not to leave the decision to the last moment, that is, be careful not to procrastinate the choice and the implementation of its consequent decision.
When it is necessary to decide, it is necessary to look for affective referents Although it is true that many situations surprise us and force us to make a decision with urgency, in those moments it is important to look for someone to be our affective referent to help us.
We all have our resilience guardian, those secure attachment figures who are by our side, and those people are the ones we should turn to when we have to make a decision in a hurry.
There are always those who are predisposed to give advice, paths to follow, recommending specialists. You should not fill yourself with diverse opinions because the only thing you achieve is to confuse yourself.
Without realizing it, you multiply geometrically the appraisals on each one of the options and create new ones that confuse to decide in a clear way.
Let's move away from guilt if we are overwhelmed when making decisionsA decision should always be made far from guilty tints that contaminate the choice, nor valuation needs, nor with "hot" actions.
Deciding is an act of commitment to oneself, but also to our close circle. Being aware that our decisions have an impact on others and on other generations, makes deciding an act of growth, but at the same time an act of great responsibility.
Let us remember that if we are overwhelmed by making decisions, the first thing we must do is to distance ourselves from the guilt. Once we have done that, we can start working on the rest.
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The danger of making decisions from a feeling of lack
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